Let Him Cook pt 2

Riffing on what I’ve learned about leadership from cooking and hosting others

This is Part 2 in my series Let Him Cook, where I riff on what I’ve learned as man about leadership from cooking and hosting others.

If you missed Part 1, you can read it here:

#2 Vulnerability

Cooking, for me, is a bit vulnerable.

It's vulnerable to share something I love with others.

It’s vulnerable to try and impress the table with a new dish.

It’s vulnerable to ask questions about people’s needs.

It’s vulnerable to make something with my own hands that may or may not be edible for my friends, church, neighbors, and short-lived plus one.

It’s vulnerable to have people in our space where they can see our house, sit in our garden, meet our chickens, avoid our cat.

All these things are vulnerable, but I think what feels most vulnerable about cooking and hosting others is that I’m an amateur—a hobbyist at best. Sure, I’ve been paid to make a meal or two, but what millennial hasn’t tried to profit from their hobby? In truth, I have no training, I’ve never worked in a kitchen, and I’ve never unironically called anyone “chef” or yelled “heard” while painstakingly plaiting with tweezers—I haven’t even watched The Bear.

Cooking and hosting make me feel vulnerable because I’m learning how to do both in the presence of others, for the sake of others.

I think this kind of vulnerability is healthy and even a bit thrilling for, at least, two reasons; 1) I am practiced enough that it’s unlikely I’ll “fail”—and what is failure anyway? We can always order a pizza—and 2) I know my friends will meet “failure” with love and humor.

There is something powerful and beautiful in that equation. Vulnerability, practice, and presence make space for creativity, risk, and newness.

Expertise vs. Vulnerability

I may be an amateur cook, but I am a professional leader with experience and education. I’ve worked in church for over 15 years, and I went to school so long they asked me to leave (jk, they’ll take your money forever). I am grateful for both, but expertise has a way of undermining vulnerability. Vulnerability emerges in uncertainty—when you’re trying something new and are unsure of the outcomes. My expert training, however, is all about minimizing uncertainty to control outcomes through the application of tried-and-true techniques. If you lead in this way, implement this program, teach these things, invest in these departments/ministries, you will achieve X. These techniques are tested and will often produce the outcomes you want, but here’s my problem: they insulate you as a leader from the vulnerability of learning in the presence of others for the sake of others.

Why does that matter?

Power

Vulnerability is necessary for true creativity, and we’ll return to that, but first and maybe most importantly, vulnerability is necessary for anyone who holds power.

Vulnerability is about seeing what is often hidden. Unhealthy vulnerability can produce shame because it exposes too much, often without consent. Healthy vulnerability, though, invites us into a good but uncomfortable place where we must see ourselves and be seen. Seeing and being seen procures self-awareness and humility. Self-aware and humble leaders understand the power they hold and have a sense of how power impacts others. Unaware leaders are dangerous. They do not see themselves or others, and they wield power in ways that do not consider theirs and/or others' locations.

Creativity

Expert training leaves little room for creativity because I, the expert, already “know” what to do—I have access to the learnings and experiences of so many before me. And again, hear me, that’s a gift. Leaders without practice are also problematic—dangerous to self and others. You need skill to do this work, and you need basic competency to build trust. But creativity is a product of vulnerability. We get creative when we try new things, when we take risks, when we listen, when we learn, when we go somewhere new, when we are uncertain about the outcomes, and maybe most of all, when we try to give something we love to others.

All of a leadership needs a bit more of that.

Practicing Vulnerability

Cooking and hosting are an easy place to practice and experience vulnerability because I am learning in and with and for others. The question is, how do we practice and experience healthy vulnerability in spaces where we are professionals insulated by our expertise?

What are the experiments we can try?

What are the risks we can take?

What new thing are you trying to make?

What do you think?